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Raising Confident Kids, by Robert G. Barnes
PDF Download Raising Confident Kids, by Robert G. Barnes
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Using scriptural guidelines and an abundance of common sense and counseling experience, Dr. Bob Barnes resolves the common conflicts between parents and children and establishes the groundwork for raising happy, confident kids.
- Sales Rank: #1574880 in Books
- Published on: 1992-05-24
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .44" h x 5.40" w x 7.99" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 176 pages
From the Back Cover
Too often parents shuffle their kids off to lessons and activities, hoping too raise their children's self-esteem through performance. But Raising Confident Kids shows that self-image is formed not by what kids do, but where they belong: the family. Noted family therapist Robert Barnes shows parents how to build a strong family and raise confident kids by - "dating" their children - creating family traditions - setting rules and sticking to them - calling family meetings - assigning daily chores -- In addition, he shows how the strongest self-images are based on a relationship with Christ. With a self-image based on Christ and strengthened by the family, a child will be less likely to be vulnerable to the negative influence of peers. Using scriptural guidelines and an abundance of common sense and counseling experience, Barnes resolves the common conflicts between parents and children and establishes the ground work for raising happy, confident kids.
About the Author
Dr. Robert and Rosemary Barnes are conference speakers and coauthors of Rock-Solid Marriage and We Need to Talk. Dr. Robert Barnes is executive director of Sheridan House Family Ministries, the author of several books, host of the weekly "Family Time Radio" program, and writer of a newspaper column on family issues. Rosemary Barnes is a frequent national conference speaker with Robert on marriage and family issues.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Part I What Is Self-Esteem? Self-Esteem Begins at Home When Torrey, my oldest child, went off to school at five years old, something very strange took place. Up to this point in Torrey's life, Mom and Dad had been her key fans, sitting in the bleachers, applauding her accomplishments. We had taught her to look to her parents for love and praise. As a result, she was a happy, confident child. Torrey herself did not change when she started school. She continued to come to us with her latest paper from school or with the playground stories of the day. But I changed my response to her. For some reason that I cannot explain, when Torrey began school, I felt that she did not need my approval as much as before. She was older now and other people, such as her teacher, were in charge. I still looked at her papers with her, but I began to miss some key events in her life. A Grave Error One day Torrey announced that her kindergarten class was putting on a play the next Tuesday evening. Naturally, she assumed we would be there. But I said, “That's a busy night for me, Torrey. I'll try to be there, but I may have to meet with some families that night.” Torrey looked at me, bewildered. She had never thought that her daddy might not come to the play. I had always been in the cheering section before. Why would I not be there now? She walked away hurt and confused. I passed it off as a part of growing up and assured myself that she would get over it. Not long after that event, I was walking in my neighborhood when I heard shouts and yells coming from the YMCA. It was a soccer game, a contest between two teams of six-year-olds. Thirty boys dressed in red and blue scrambled madly for the ball while their coaches shouted and the referee made calls and blew the whistle. As I sat on the lawn enjoying the game, I glanced around and noticed that I was in a minority. Out of thirty children, only four parents had taken the time out to watch their child. As I watched the coaches gesture and call, I realized that the parents had turned their children over to a coach as a substitute parent. So I watched the coaches' performance as a parent. I looked for individual attention, for evidences of unconditional love. I saw neither. The coaches gave the most attention to the boys with the most ability. The other boys either stood around the coach, trying to get his attention, or had given up altogether and were at the far end of the field wrestling, laughing, and giving each other the attention they needed. The coaches, who are performance oriented, had to focus on the performance of the child playing. They had no time for the children on the bench. I thought about those absent parents picking up their sons after the game and trying to have a meaningful conversation. Both parent and son would have a difficult time discussing the event. The parents would not know enough about what went on to ask questions that required more than one-word answers. PARENT: Well, how was the big game? CHILD: Fine. PARENT: Did you win? CHILD: Yes. PARENT: Did you get into the game? CHILD: Yes. PARENT: Well, how did you do? CHILD: Fine. PARENT: Well, that's great. We need to get right home so that you can get your bath and dinner before the baby-sitter arrives. They may have a better conversation if the boy scored a goal or made some spectacular play. However, a conversation like this focuses only on performance. The whole afternoon, the boy's relationship both with the coach and with his chauffeur/parent was based on his abilities rather than on his value as a person. I walked away from that afternoon soccer game saddened and very judgmental. To show the children they were valuable, the parents should have attended and shown an interest in the game and the child no matter how well the child played. On the way back home, however, it hit me. I was guilty of the very same thing. I had raised Torrey for the first five years to believe that she was very valuable and important to me. I had watched her take her first steps and tackle other new feats, and she always knew we were applauding her, not her performance. Then one day, she began school, and instead of being there for her as I had always been, for some reason I pulled back. No wonder she was bewildered
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Practical, useful, and biblical approach to parenting
By Dan Panetti
Good, solid biblical advice to parents about raising their children to be responsible and mature - or as Scripture would put it, lacking in nothing. Barnes is the director of a boy's home in Florida so he has experience working with numerous children and families as well as raising his own children. The primary emphasis of this book is countering the perception that as parents, we must protect our children from all failures and provide for their every need, even to their own detriment. Barnes begs to differ. While he is careful to establish clear boundaries, provide adequate avenues for communication and emphasizes appropriate discipline, Barnes encourages parents to let their children to mature by giving them opportunities to succeed.
Barnes writes that children need a stable, safe and encouraging environment to be able to mature properly. He encourages parents to establish family traditions to help produce that stable environment as well as giving the children age-appropriate responsibilities. He warns parents not to short-circuit the training by either not allowing the child to fail, or not providing shift and appropriate discipline to establish clear lines of authority and boundaries in which the child can operate and flourish. Setting rules and sticking to them is fundamental parenting, according to Barnes.
While the book wasn't earth-shattering, it was good. He balanced his examples using children from stable homes and children from broken homes so that all parents can identify with and apply the biblical wisdom given. I especially liked his chapters where he encouraged parents to talk with their children about sex at a much earlier age than it is usually done and the end of the book where he addresses the difficulties of raising adolescents going through the litany of life changes. I think most Christian parents would find this book practical, useful and worth the time and energy to read.
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